Hi there 2011
mark hart
Another year creeps up on us and the last one is all but a distant thought.

For the first 19 years of my life people always used to talk about how quickly years go by. How they remember the previous New Year like it was only yesterday. I never had that feeling. Those first 19 years seemed to drag on and on. Now for the first 17 years I can think why this may have occurred.

Reason One: The first 5 years I had no concept of time or responsibility or anything for that matter.

Reason Two: Between year 5 and year 17 I attended this prosperous thing called "getting a education". Also known as attending school. For some reason those years I remember as just dragging on. Each day of my schooling life consisted of mostly aiming at the Holidays. I think because of that it broke up my year and made it all seem very long.

Now for next two years I was working but weekends did not exist as I worked in retail. Each day I worked I was aiming at that next day off. Be it either the next day or seven days away. So still these two years took forever and I never had that feeling of how the year just flew by.

Then comes 2010 and knocks me out of the park. It may have to do with having a stable job and knowing I get a weekend and good break at the end of the year or I turned 20 and my life is presumably over.

Something about turning 20 scared the living daylights out of me. When you turn 10 you can get your first Big Kid Bike. When you turn 16 you can learn to drive and 18, well, a whole new world opens up. Good or bad. But 20 is when you realise a few things and people starting asking questions. When are you moving out? Why aren't you spending every minute out getting "hammered"? When will you bring your boyfriend home? Why haven't you saved your money? And when are you going to get a real job?.

Now the answer to these question seem simple. 1. When I can afford it. 2. I'm not a crazed drunk. 3. When you can act like a normal human being. 3. I save almost half of every little cent I get. The rest I need to, you know, live! 4. What do call this 40 hour a week thing I do now? But these are not the answers that are wanted.

Life gets real at 20 and I suppose the years seem to fly by. Like I said I never understood that feeling before but 2010 felt like it just started and now its over. The weird thing is I realized I was going to feel this by about April/May after those first 4-5 months disappeared.

Now we start 2011 and I ask myself if that will happen again and really hammer in to mind that this growing old thing is not all its cracked up to be or will it be the year that never ends.

One thing I know for sure is that I hope something mildly life changing happens because if every year flies by like last year I at least want it to be for a reason.

Prove a point
mark hart
I think Im doing it to prove a point. To whom Im still not sure.

It could be to them to show them that I am more then a one trick pony. To show that I can step up and run this ship. That I could be everything.

Or it could just be to myself. To show that I am stronger then that. To show that I can stick to my promises. To show myself that I can change.

Do either of the reasons matter as long as I stick to what I said I would do.

I will get up and run.

I have the motivation. I have motivations. Reminders why I need to do this. Reminders to make me get up in the morning. Its for them. and me.
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Start Again
mark hart
Do you ever feel like starting again?

I think I experence this at least once a day. A little voice asks "What if you just walked out". To turn you back on the existance you have created and just start again.

This is the start. I had a different account on LJ but wanted somewhere I could write and know nobody will read it. I just needed somewhere safe where some of this stuff wont come back to bite me. A fresh start.

I'm not planing on making a life changing decsion or anything even remotly interesting. I just like the simple stuff. Tim Roth makes me happy. Top Gear makes me happy. House makes me happy.

Thats one thing people I know dont understand. Simple things make me happy and I would rather be happy in this life then resentful and angry. And if simple things make you happy grab on to them and dont let go and dont let people tell you that is stupid.

If I have learnt one thing in my short (so far) life is enjoy the simple things. Sometimes they might be all you have.
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